Book Blurb: I Am Not a Mourning Person

I’m Not a Mourning Person: Braving Loss, Grief, And The Big Messy Emotions That Happen When Life Falls Apart (By Kris Carr)

So I was walking into the Central Library to get some work done before Chris was off work and I walked through the staff’s pick section on the main floor. Sometimes I stop and take a picture of a book to look up later, sometimes I pick one up and read a few pages to see if this a book I’d like to read. On this day I took a picture, walked a few steps and then came back because I knew I needed this book.

I picked this book up not long after I was told that my grandmother would be moving to palliative care. There were a lot of complicated emotions going on! On the one hand, I have never known my grandmother to be in good health, and so have long since thought I have had more time with her than I imagined. On the other, she is dying.

It has since be a few months and this women looks like she may be failing palliative care and sticking around a lot longer than any of us (her doctors included) thought she would. I am grateful for more time, but as Kris Carr outlines in her book, this can also add a different layer of complexity to your grief.

Summary

That is what this book is about. Grief and mourning and how to get through it all while feeling big emotions and acknowledging them instead of pushing them down. This is about wading through the ugly crying (as if there was ever a beautiful way to cry) and talking about death.

Who Should Read This Book?

This book combines humor and sensibility in a way that helps to navigate through loss. Whether the loss if yet to happen, happened not long ago or happened with something that someone else has deemed to be less than (i.e. the loss of a dog or cat etc. - which if you have lost these, you know they can be just as heart wrenching as losing a human family member). It navigates it a way that takes you on a journey. A journey through the author’s loss, but also in the years leading up to the loss. As if she is walking you through the time when someone is dying - when you are remembering all the things you did together.

What Did I Learn?

She then goes through the remembering of their last few days and then afterward all the things you wish they could be there for - even if it is as simple as being there for Sunday dinner. The thing that has always struck me the most about grief, is not the loss of the person per se. But the loss of the future you thought you might have had with that person (of animal or career etc.). It hits you sometimes that they won’t be there for Thanksgiving or you can’t ask them a question. And that pain will never fully go away. It just gets easier. I think Kris does a great job explaining this and giving ways to help honour the person and help yourself.

Not only does she go through the how to help after someone is gone, she also goes through practical everyday things you can do to help yourself through the whole process - from finding out, to being with them as they die, to the afterward. The suggestions are not outrageous. The suggestions are not bright twinkling new ideas. They are things we know we probably need to do, but easily put to the back burner. Sometimes we need someone to remind us of the things we need to do, so that we get the kick in the pants we need!

Final Thoughts

All in all, if you have lost someone, are in the process of losing someone or know someday you will lose someone, this is a great book to read. It will help you process things practically and suggest when you need more emotional support. I can say I cried and that you will most likely cry as well. But you will also laugh at her humour and witty remarks.

I learned anyone can be a mourning person; they might just need a little support.